Sunday, March 22

When the muggles get you down.

So lately I’ve been kind of stressed. I mean I’m always stressed or worried about something but more so at the moment. And it’s not like there is anything huge happening in my life. Even last year when I was doing the Leaving Cert, I didn’t get overly distressed. I did have one or two minor breakdowns but isn’t that what’s expected when you’re told at 17 that you’ll have two weeks to do an exam based on everything you should have learnt over that last two years and the results will ultimately decide your life. Yeah, so with hindsight, I think I coped quite well. I did go on a chocolate binge around June though. It was blissful :)

Right now though, I just feel like I am under so much pressure. I constantly think that I am falling behind. Everything is just jumbled up. My mind is in disarray. I am letting these small little things get to me. I just have so much work, projects, assignments and a German oral to deal with. Just the other day I missed my first ever lecture and wasn’t able to pick up an exam paper to do over the weekend and now I’ve lost 5%. Not a huge loss but when you’re working your ass off to get a grade average over 75% to keep a scholarship I think I am allowed to freak out. But then I start to think… am I allowed to be worried about this? Something as mundane and minor as this? Because when you put it in retrospect of the world this is just a speck on the windshield. There are people starving out in Africa and children working in slave labour in India for god sake! How can I get upset about an assignment due in a week when I know that there is someone else out there who doesn’t even have the opportunity to go to school, not to mind reach college?

Then of course this makes me worry more about the rest of the world and feel terrible about being so selfish. It seems I’m stuck in this carousel of anxiety and guilt. So I wonder when is it okay to feel bad about something so insignificant? Like if someone close to you dies, you should be allowed to feel awful and upset even though there are thousands of other people out there who have lost a lot more than one friend or family member. Where is that fine line between arrogance and self-esteem?

Let’s face it, you are going to get upset. It’s inevitable. Whether it’s because your hair looks like crap or your dog died. Whatever the reason, it will get you down and make you feel like you have the worst life ever. While that’s probably no where near true I think you should be allowed your hour of self-pity. Because afterwards you might realise how stupid you were being. It’s okay to feel like shit sometimes but just remember that things will always get better. Just try not to let the muggles get you down.

Happy Blogging!
Marian  ^_^